Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Feminine y lo Sexy: Pole Dancing

I have to say that over the years I definitely have lost some of my sexy -that way you move, you talk, you look. When I took my first major position, I strove to be taken seriously, to be seen as a woman with a purpose and not this little girl who was wanted to be in the living room con los adultos. Dominicans will send you to your room or outside and yell at you if you're all up in their adult conversations. Ella si es a'genta! Go and be with the kids, go play your games.

But then that moment comes, the one which no one really prepares you for, becoming a responsible, adult, leader quiene tiene que ser un ejemplo para todos. No one really tells you how to balance this, how to keep yourself, your soul. People make remarks like -oh did you see what she was wearing, did you see what she said, can you believe that she thinks she is all of that, y quien es ella. So as you try to be 'somebody,' you lose your own body. I lost that thing, that little spark that made me me. That make mi gente, that make mi ELLA!!!!

There are plenty of women that use their sexiness to their advantage to grab power and more. Some women know how to tirar esa mirada, shake that booty and shimmy their shoulders -make that glamour. But me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted people to respect me solely for my mind and intelligence. That they would see my brilliance in my words and actions. I was not to show my vulnerable side, the sexy. But in that process I for lack of another word de-sexified myself.

Sexiness is not only about being powerful and overtaking. Sexiness is about showing that very primal vulnerable emotional side of your being. On Friday, I got a chance to be that vulnerable and strong sexy chic, at pole dancing class.

Como, pole dancing class! How did that happen? Friday, I went to the gym for my weekly yoga class. Arriving 10 minutes late to the class, I wasn't allowed to go in. So I asked the front desk person what is the next class and what time does it start. "7:30, Pole Dancing. Have you ever done pole dancing?" Dios mio I have never done such a thing. I am a respectable woman, I am no stripper chic. But deep down inside I knew that I would love it so I said why not.

What an experience. I clapped for all the women who were performing amazing feats on the pole. There was one young short chunky black woman who W-O-R-K-E-D IT. God damn. The most powerful move, the vagina monster!!!! Woahhhhhhhh!!! It looks like a tarantula that is gonna devour you. Any woman that does that move, definitely got it like that. That is the feminine power.

I cheered myself on as I tried to jump on the pole and slide down which I unsuccessful did about 5 times and today have very sore, purplish knees and a big hickey-type mark on my right arm. How fun it is to go round and round and round the pole. I developed a new found respect for the stripper women of the world that work that pole.
What I liked most was being a room full of woman that were all encouraging one another to work it, to be sexy and strong. A great space for exploration, no judgment, no fear. I am excited to finally come in contact with what I have lost for so long -my sexiness. Actually it wasn't very graceful, or sexy but I could feel the stir in my soul. My body is in crazy pain but I feel little by little the healing of my heart...even through pole dancing.

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