Thirty-Five...Treinta y cinco...35...End of the Road?

35. Single. In transition. Don't know what is next. On Saturday, January 2nd I turned 35. I really can't believe. In my heart and mind, I am still 16 just with much more experience, knowledge and independence. Ha! This birthday, like all of my past birthdays, people wish me health, happiness and success. Also on the list, a man. A man that will sow his seed and give me children, that's if there is still time. Now the topic of choice is how time is running out. That as I get older, my eggs will dry up and what then. My mother talks to me about adopting -something that I have always considered doing, at the age of 35.

In third grade, which is when I made most of my major life decisions such as living on my own before marriage, never ending up with a dude that is dumber than me, becoming a lawyer (then a scientist, then a lawyer again) and adopting a child -an older child, someone no one wanted. Yeah, those are some major decisions to make at the age of 9.

So here I am. 35. What do I have to show for it? Some would say that I have accomplished so much. Yes, that is partially true. I have accomplished all that I have ever wanted professionally. I have a great relationship with my family and friends. But there is this major part that still remains to be fulfilled -having my own loving, whole, dysfunctional, functional family. A husband to call my own, children to care for and the whole kit and caboodle that comes with it -extended family, friends, weddings, baptisms, school recitals, spankings, crying, laughing all that. Yup, I want this for my life. But what if....what if that life is not meant for me. What if I am not the marrying kind, the having children kind. What if I am always going to be that crazy cousin -la americana, la gringa who just never seemed to have a stable relationship.

I guess I shouldn't think about those things to much. Yes, I am 35! Gorgeous, Single, Living! I am lucky to have tons of love, care and soul in my life. I have much of my life to live and my job right now is to live it to the fullest. To live with intention and an open heart. All that will be, will be.

Since my first day on earth in 1975, I have embarked on a terrific journey. This moment in time right now of my life I am living according to my rules with faith in the great spirit of the universe. What is to come is far greater, nothing I have ever imagined than what I have lived thus far. This brings me excitement, a bit of anxiety but must of all wonder and amazement at the many turns life can take you through. On this highway, there are no limits.... Es ahora que me estoy poniendo buena!

Feliz 2010!!!

2010!!! The beginning of a new decade / or the end of the old one -no se- but this is definitley the start of a new time. This year is the year of the incredible, the fantastic, the beautiful! I know it deep down in my bones that it will be great. I know I have said it before but I know it for this year.

My resolutions for 2010: 1) meet up with my Facebook friends that I hardly see or never see, 2) LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, 3) stop drinking soda (or at least drastically reduce my intake), 4) continue the fight for fair and humane immigration reform, and 5) taking risks. I desire for my life to be filled with friendship, love, compassion, adventure, passion. My life has been filled with so much of these things and more. I want to continue growing in these areas and live a life without regret. I want my life to be round and full -whole!

Taking the time...slowing down..moving so fast you miss all the great stuff and sometime create some really crazy energy. 2010 and beyond.....I am here, present in the moment. READY!

My Sister, La Ciguapa

I love my sister! She is one of the most awesome people in my world. A true testament to evolution, change and growth. She was born in 1979, when snow storm where still snow storms, when the family would come together every Sunday to eat, gather and be merry -oh and of course talk about Trujillo and Balaguer, and disco was waning away. My parent and I were sitting in the living room one day, my sister still in utero, talking about the arrival of my sister and what her name should be.

I was four years old, living the life that all dream of -having your parents all to yourself, no sharing! In my little leader way, I told my parents that the baby's name was Melissa, just like a girl in my class (or rather daycare). Just so cute, my parent negotiated with me and agreed on naming my sister Lisa. Lisa means "God's promise" according to thinkbabynames.com. It is a pretty, simple name. Just Lisa.

We were in for a big surprise with Lisa. My sister didn't stop crying for I think like 25 years! From day one, she just cried, cried and cried. It wouldn't stop. Any little reason and the tears and screaming would commence. No one really knew what to do with her but just let her cry. When I was about 10 and took hold of my poetic-side(hahaha), every time she would cry I would chant "cry, cry until you die." Oh boy, that would make her cry even more and of course as a mean big sister I would just laugh at aggravating the situation. Yeah, it still makes my laugh.

As a teenager, she just became weirder and weirder. Lisa liked Green Day and wearing strange colorful socks up to her knees. She studied witch craft and apparently was able to put some relationships on cold-ice with her magic. Also called La Ciguapa by my Tio Frank, my sister very much had a magical side to her. In Dominican folklore, la ciguapa is known to entice men with her beauty and her long black hair. The one odd thing about la ciguapa were that her feet were backwards. (For more info on the Ciguapa check out http://www.ciguapa.blogsopt.com/; www.jmmercado/mipais/cultura/mitos/ciguapa.htlm). Lisa's hair was always out of control, long, big and full of dust bunnies from hidding under the bed!

Being a middle child -but always getting tons of attention, most of the time negative attention-in her teen's and early 20's was full of angst, and melancholy. Alleged at one point she ran after my brother with a knife -she was just really pissed off. Great article on middle children: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/. The stories of her madness are endless from throwing potted plants to one of my mother's customers in the hair salon to marrying her 1st baby daddy because of a pregnancy.

After having two children with two different fathers, and find a man (currently her husband) who has provided her with love, stability and structure, she has got it all! Now a wife and mother of three of the most beautiful children in the entire universe, a small business owner (http://www.rollitandblowit.com/), she really has got it all. Her magic is full on. She has this ability to bring together all of her worlds -all the grandparents, fathers, uncles, aunts, friends -to celebrate her children even in her own house. These gatherings are always full of love, togetherness and no bochinche...which is truly a feat in itself.

Everyone loves my sister! Lisa is sweet, giving and in her madness tender. My sister has helped me to become the woman that I am today. I love my sister! (Picture: www.deybicastro.com/2008/10/la-ciguapa.html)

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow: Copenhagen, Climate Change and the Politics to Save Our World

When I was a little girl I remember the big nevadas of the 1980's. It would snow non-stop, snow to your knees. You wanted to be careful not to go near the yellow snow -since you know what was underneath...yuck! You could do some proper snow sledding in Van Cortlandt park. It was so cold, your fingers and toes could break off. When you had no heat and hot water in the apartment, it was a death wish. You could go for days wearing leggings, leg warmers boots and two pair of pants just trying not to freeze your ass off.

Now, it snows a day or two, all I need is a pair of thick pantyhose under my pants and a hat. No more of those freakin' bleeding, cold NYC nights. It's still gets cold don't get me wrong but no like the in the Raving 80's. The last couple of days the media has been showered with the discussions at Copenhagen, Cllimate Change, China and CRAP!!! The ice caps are melting, rivers are rising, islands could disappear, the ozone layer (which no one really talks about anymore is most probably growing still), forests are disappearing, urban sprawl has diminshed free breathing land, wars for limited resources, carbon prints -dios mio, the list goes on.

Where do we start? The Debate: Definitely start with the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change at http://unfccc.int/2860.php. On Climate Change and its' impact on Latin America read this from the Brookings Institute http://unfccc.int/2860.php. Read Rinku Sen's article in the Huffington Post http://www.racewire.org/archives/2009/12/originally_published_on_the_huffington.html where she discusses how environmental justice issues impacts communities of color in the United States and the Global South. Update on New York and Climate Change read http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/09/nyregion/09bloomberg.html. And of course the Dominican Republic and Copenhagen see http://www.diariodigital.com.do/articulo,48265,html.

How can I prevent the rise of rivers, stop the ice caps from melting. Some things I do: I ride the train -even though the MTA loves to increase the fares every other day, carpool with my friends when i can catch a ride, turn off my lights, print less, eat at home, and recycle cans, bottles and newspapers. There is so much more for me to do to reduce my carbon print while the world tries to become right again. Til' then I will enjoy the snow as it comes down and lands on my nose, cojerlo suave. The answer is in slowing down...

CIR ASAP: International Migrants Day

A couple of days ago, Rep. Luis Guiterrez and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus joined by several allies, presented its' proposal for comprehensive immigration reform entitled Comprehensive Immigration Reform As Soon As Possible (no that's not the real name but I appreciate the pun). On these serious matters we always need a bit of humor. I was very excited to see that our very own Bronx Congressman Jose Serrano included the Child Citizen Protection Act language within the provisions of CIR which if it survives will be a much needed alivio for our community here in Northern Manhattan and the Bronx. This means 2010 will be a year fraught with love and hate. Immigrants will continue on their message of love -family, compassion and forgiveness. Hate groups will on their message of hate, division and fear.

So is there a middle ground? Is there a negotiating point where both parties will walk away feeling like they won the battle? Is there a place of rest between these two tensions? As in the practice of yoga while you are pulling yourself in all different directions, you are to mindfully surrender to the pose and find that space, that silence where you can breathe. Does that space to breathe exists within the immigration debate?

As I am writing this, I don't think so. Both groups are extremely charged and are fighting for their lives as they see it. One side wants to have it all both here and there while sharing in the American Dream. The other just wants it all to themselves and no one else. Screaming at the top of their lungs, this incessant war of the future look of America makes it very hard to really listen to what is at the core of this debate -freedom of (r)evolution.

Yesterday, I was watching Parang Khanna on TED -my new favorite site: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/parag_khanna_maps_the_future_of_countries.html Here he discusses how the borders of the world are constantly changing because of the way people move to live and word. There was no discussion on the United States and its' relationship with Mexico and the rest of Latin America and the Caribbean. However, while he was discussing the relationship between Russia and China I could not stop thinking about how much this situation was so much like the United States / Mexico and the Lousiana Purchase. Also known as the Reconquista -America's biggest fear.

An article in the New York Times discusses how the white population in American will be the minority in 2050 -scary for those KKK folks and white supremacists groups. It is like the end of the world for them -well it is as they know it. There tactics have turned violent as the world has seen with the killings of Marcelo Lucero and countless others throught the United States. Janet Napolitano with the okay of President Obama has instituted more repressive and oppressive measures such as the 287 (g) program. Massive amounts of immigrants have left areas of the South because life has become unbearable. Some going back home, others moving to different parts of the country like New York. But this doesn't even factor into the reality of the changing demographics. This will not stop the rise of Latinos, Asians and Blacks. So what is the answer?

I think the answer is that the United States can no longer resist the idea of change, and (r)evolution. As suggested by Khanna, the United States must surrender to this real fact of the changing borders in a non-violent way which is comprehensive immigration reform. Further criminalization of immigrants can not be part of this package. The continued and increased deportation of undocumented and legal permanent residents is not the answer. This just creates more despair, anger and rage in immigrat communities. I hope that as the debate moves forward, that the negotiators of CIR do not sell out -legalization in exchange for more deportation. This can not be our negotiating point. Do so is unjust, inhumane and plain wrong.

In conjunction with this, the United States will have to reconsider its' foreign policies in Latin America and the Caribbean to create sustainable and livable countries so that people won't have to leave their homeland. Most importantly, all this work must occur with a human rights lens to ensure that the right of people are preserved.

As our country is pulling itself in two directions, I wish President Obama and all of our leadership to surrender in the tension and listen to the quiet at the core -there they will find the answer for the future of America and the immigrants of the world. There they will find the balance which we need to ensure a just and humane comprehensive immigration reform.

(Picture: Dying to Live: A Story of U.S. Immigration in the Age of Global Apartheid by Joseph Nevins and Mizue Aizeki)

Compasion y Perdon: The Rise and Fall of Miguel Martinez

It is truly an end of an era. Today, Miguel Martinez has been sentenced to 5 years in prison for mail fraud and stealing over $100,000 from public funds for his own personal use. Everyone is angry, saddened, frustrated to know such a bright, intelligent man with the brightest of futures has fallen so hard.

At the turn of the 21st Century, young Dominicans heeded the call to become the next generation of leaders, those who would bring about change to the thousands who have come to this county searching for a better life. 1997-2000 marked critical years where groups like Dominicans 2000 were founded, The Dominican American National Roundtable was founded to bring together folks from all over the country and we witnessed the rise of new political leadership all over the U.S. including the Dominican Republic.

Miguel Martinez, an example of this new found energetic cadre, was active in neighborhood politics . Taken under the wing of his political mentor, Adriano Espaillat, he became the winner of the 2001 NYC Council elections. He went on to change the face of politics in District 10. Many groups were funded that we never funded by the city council district 10 before, he worked with and fought with an array of political allies and friends that were never truly brought into the fold of NYC politics. So much so, his vision and ambition got the better of him and he decided to challenge his godfather, Espaillat.

Summer of '08, Martinez ran for Assembly. This is the beginning of the end for Martinez. Realizing that he would no longer be a New York City Council member (pre-extension of term limits), he eyed the next possible position for him to occupy. Many thought he was insane to fun against Espaillat -to take on the old guard. The newspapers and blogs all ridiculed Martinez for acting like a bad kid in school, un nino malcriado. Congressman Rangel and others asked him not to move ahead with this idea. They promised him that they would find a place for him to go, to remain relevant. He would pay dearly for this. His bravado brought him into the spot light. In conjunction with this, the New York City Council came under the spotlight for its' manner in allotting funds to community based organizations city-wide.

These two occurrences then created the perfect storm to oust Martinez. Through investigations of the council members, Miguel Martinez (and I am sure other people in his circle), stole what really does not add up to alot of money but a whole lot of cheatin' and lyin'. While all of this is going on, in the fall of 2008 he voted for the extension of term limits and it was announced that he and his pet project UCAN was under investigation. No one thought the worse.

July 14, 2009 Martinez resigns. December 15, 2009 Martinez is sentenced to 5 years in jail. All the farthest thing from all of our minds. No one thought that he would fall. Some knew the details, many kept quite, rumors went around but no one really believed it until it happened. so at the end of an exciting and hopeful era, it ends....tragically.

Now a whole generation, a whole people will be judged on the actions of one person who did not think. That let only his ego and pockets guide him. Miguel had the opportunity to be surrounded by intelligent, well-meaning people who have integrity, a north star. But I don't know how or when he got lost.

His meager beginnings in politics did not start on a clean slate. For those who were around him at John Jay College, CUNY would know that the year he because student body or class president -not quite sure - his competitor committed suicide days after it was announced the Martinez won the election. Not that I blame Martinez for this man's decision but the omens were all around from the start.

Regardless of his sins, Martinez has a good heart and is a good person. I will not throw stones. He did great work at a New York City Council member -he spoke out for immigrants, took a public stance against the deportations of US Dominicans to DR and Dominican-Haitians from DR to Haiti. He brought everyone in positions of power to the neighborhood. Martinez supported tenants in their rent strikes (yeah and he did take contributions from landlords). Moreover, he created a debate, competition, make us think about how and why we do politics.

Yes, I am sad. Anyone who commits a crime should pay but his sentence is harsh. Not because others don't even do 1/2 of what he has to do but because weighing all of his positive actions as a council member outweighs the @100,000 he stole. Because so many saw their futures in him, because he represented a new politics, a new breed, a new day.

Our community is resilient. We have faced so many other tragedies and obstacles. New leadership has come in the form of Ydanis Rodriguez and there has been a new consolidation of power for Espaillat as the foremost Dominican elected official in New York. Now we begin a new era, vamos a ver.

(picture from New York Daily News website July 16, 2009)

The Feminine y lo Sexy: Pole Dancing

I have to say that over the years I definitely have lost some of my sexy -that way you move, you talk, you look. When I took my first major position, I strove to be taken seriously, to be seen as a woman with a purpose and not this little girl who was wanted to be in the living room con los adultos. Dominicans will send you to your room or outside and yell at you if you're all up in their adult conversations. Ella si es a'genta! Go and be with the kids, go play your games.

But then that moment comes, the one which no one really prepares you for, becoming a responsible, adult, leader quiene tiene que ser un ejemplo para todos. No one really tells you how to balance this, how to keep yourself, your soul. People make remarks like -oh did you see what she was wearing, did you see what she said, can you believe that she thinks she is all of that, y quien es ella. So as you try to be 'somebody,' you lose your own body. I lost that thing, that little spark that made me me. That make mi gente, that make mi ELLA!!!!

There are plenty of women that use their sexiness to their advantage to grab power and more. Some women know how to tirar esa mirada, shake that booty and shimmy their shoulders -make that glamour. But me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted people to respect me solely for my mind and intelligence. That they would see my brilliance in my words and actions. I was not to show my vulnerable side, the sexy. But in that process I for lack of another word de-sexified myself.

Sexiness is not only about being powerful and overtaking. Sexiness is about showing that very primal vulnerable emotional side of your being. On Friday, I got a chance to be that vulnerable and strong sexy chic, at pole dancing class.

Como, pole dancing class! How did that happen? Friday, I went to the gym for my weekly yoga class. Arriving 10 minutes late to the class, I wasn't allowed to go in. So I asked the front desk person what is the next class and what time does it start. "7:30, Pole Dancing. Have you ever done pole dancing?" Dios mio I have never done such a thing. I am a respectable woman, I am no stripper chic. But deep down inside I knew that I would love it so I said why not.

What an experience. I clapped for all the women who were performing amazing feats on the pole. There was one young short chunky black woman who W-O-R-K-E-D IT. God damn. The most powerful move, the vagina monster!!!! Woahhhhhhhh!!! It looks like a tarantula that is gonna devour you. Any woman that does that move, definitely got it like that. That is the feminine power.

I cheered myself on as I tried to jump on the pole and slide down which I unsuccessful did about 5 times and today have very sore, purplish knees and a big hickey-type mark on my right arm. How fun it is to go round and round and round the pole. I developed a new found respect for the stripper women of the world that work that pole.

What I liked most was being a room full of woman that were all encouraging one another to work it, to be sexy and strong. A great space for exploration, no judgment, no fear. I am excited to finally come in contact with what I have lost for so long -my sexiness. Actually it wasn't very graceful, or sexy but I could feel the stir in my soul. My body is in crazy pain but I feel little by little the healing of my heart...even through pole dancing.