The Feminine y lo Sexy: Pole Dancing

I have to say that over the years I definitely have lost some of my sexy -that way you move, you talk, you look. When I took my first major position, I strove to be taken seriously, to be seen as a woman with a purpose and not this little girl who was wanted to be in the living room con los adultos. Dominicans will send you to your room or outside and yell at you if you're all up in their adult conversations. Ella si es a'genta! Go and be with the kids, go play your games.

But then that moment comes, the one which no one really prepares you for, becoming a responsible, adult, leader quiene tiene que ser un ejemplo para todos. No one really tells you how to balance this, how to keep yourself, your soul. People make remarks like -oh did you see what she was wearing, did you see what she said, can you believe that she thinks she is all of that, y quien es ella. So as you try to be 'somebody,' you lose your own body. I lost that thing, that little spark that made me me. That make mi gente, that make mi ELLA!!!!

There are plenty of women that use their sexiness to their advantage to grab power and more. Some women know how to tirar esa mirada, shake that booty and shimmy their shoulders -make that glamour. But me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted people to respect me solely for my mind and intelligence. That they would see my brilliance in my words and actions. I was not to show my vulnerable side, the sexy. But in that process I for lack of another word de-sexified myself.

Sexiness is not only about being powerful and overtaking. Sexiness is about showing that very primal vulnerable emotional side of your being. On Friday, I got a chance to be that vulnerable and strong sexy chic, at pole dancing class.

Como, pole dancing class! How did that happen? Friday, I went to the gym for my weekly yoga class. Arriving 10 minutes late to the class, I wasn't allowed to go in. So I asked the front desk person what is the next class and what time does it start. "7:30, Pole Dancing. Have you ever done pole dancing?" Dios mio I have never done such a thing. I am a respectable woman, I am no stripper chic. But deep down inside I knew that I would love it so I said why not.

What an experience. I clapped for all the women who were performing amazing feats on the pole. There was one young short chunky black woman who W-O-R-K-E-D IT. God damn. The most powerful move, the vagina monster!!!! Woahhhhhhhh!!! It looks like a tarantula that is gonna devour you. Any woman that does that move, definitely got it like that. That is the feminine power.

I cheered myself on as I tried to jump on the pole and slide down which I unsuccessful did about 5 times and today have very sore, purplish knees and a big hickey-type mark on my right arm. How fun it is to go round and round and round the pole. I developed a new found respect for the stripper women of the world that work that pole.

What I liked most was being a room full of woman that were all encouraging one another to work it, to be sexy and strong. A great space for exploration, no judgment, no fear. I am excited to finally come in contact with what I have lost for so long -my sexiness. Actually it wasn't very graceful, or sexy but I could feel the stir in my soul. My body is in crazy pain but I feel little by little the healing of my heart...even through pole dancing.

Re-capturing the Feminine Self y Cocinando: Re-defining, Re-inventing, Re-creating

Many of my friends and I have been working on our own individual quests for happiness, peace and joy! In our adulthood, we are grappling with the issues of our childhood, love gone awry, and fulfilling our life's purpose. Each one of us in our own way -either through therapy, self-help books, spiritual renewal - are exploring our own ways of self-sabotage, and self-destruction. As women of color in particular who have always been taught to be selfless and service-oriented workers, wives, mothers and daughters and to be met with this culture clash of individualism, self-aggrandizement and greed, I know that for me it has created a sort of schizophrenia. At this juncture there is self-discovery but there is also a loss of self. So at what point do you completely lose yourself? Both models, both extremes do not create room for nourishing the full human experience. You are either give into to marianismo/machismo or ultra feminist that gives up on love and completion.

Our struggle today is one of balancing our duties and obligations to our selves and others, of finding a spiritual playing field that allows for growth of oneself and those around us. Functioning in the two extremes -I know for me is disastrous, a burden, very heavy. It brings down mi animo, my outlook, my willingness to be. I think that there is a way to retain the best of the two worlds -there is something to be said about treasuring and embracing our feminine power. Our power is different from masculine power but it is power nonetheless, that allow us to create, change and influence the world around us.

Re-capturing our femininity is crucial to our mental, physical and spiritual survival. This aspect should not be given up -it is complete and all-encompassing. The feminine allows for us to be. I am not arguing to not learn about the masculine -these are critical skills to learn and master as well to understand the world around us. However, within that process, the self can get lost and of course this occurs as we play more and more with the boys whether in politics, business or love. Being feminine does not mean being submissive, giving up the self.

There is one act that I have always affliated with the feminine: cooking. When I was growing up, I learned to hate to cook. For me cooking was the job of the woman. Something that she would do for her man and get no appreciation, no recognition. It was something she was supposed to do, an obligation, in return for him working and providing for the home. In a world where these roles were very separate, it would make sense. But in a world, where women work, raise children, and does pretty much everything the men do, whey in the world does she have to cook too. Moreover, my mother made it a point for me not to learn to cook. According to her, I was not going to be anyone's maid. That I would be so successful that I would have my own maid. Here are these two very distinct models: either the martyed wife or the career-oriented and rich professional.

I was not offered a different model where to learn how to cook would be critical to my own survival, be healthier for me and would allow me the ability to express myself with my friends and loved ones. A way to be able to share with another. And I know that my male counterparts were not offered a different model as well. This of course has created many issues for me in my relationships and in my psyche. This issue has spilled over to my way of seeing others. In order to save myself and re-capture my feminine side, my goal is to cook!

Over the last couple of months, I have embraced my cooking self. I eat better, I feel healthier, lost some weight and even feel a bit softer, que puedo conpenetrar mejor con las personas a mi alrededor.