La Muerte and Home

Death is a unifying force. It brings together all the people of your life, even if they are fighting, no longer speaking, or because of time and space do not see each other on a daily basis. Today, I came home because of death. Not the home of my blood family, but that of my family and friends formed through my politics, passion and circumstance. I learned much about how important that a persons funeral truly reflects the life they have lived.

I attended the funeral of the mother of one of my neighborhood's foremost community leaders, Juan Villar. She was known as Dona Juanita, a woman committed to revolution. Rev. Luis Barrios led the group in a prayer and participatory memorial of who Dona Juanita was. I learned she was committed to sharing, defending, and creating identity. I learned how she loved to work, be with her family and eating patita de puerco con yuca y aguacate. Los mas inpactante is that she was buried with a gun. You would ask why would this old lady want to be buried with a gun. Her son Juanchi explained that on the night of Balaguer's death she said that when she dies to please bury her with a gun so that if she meets Balaguer she could shoot him dead. What a vivacious and gutsy woman. Even in her death she is a revolutionary.

Tonight, I was inspired and proud to be a part of such a great movement of revolution. That I didn't know her personally, but I too am a fruit of her life. To know that she has influenced so many and those people of have touched my life as well is mind-blowing. Things don't just happen. There is interrelatedness and interconnectedness to our lives. Eventhough every day is a challenge, people continue to fight off the dehumanizing life of New York, of living in an unforgiving capitalist society that strips you of compassion, love and joy -la sabrosura of life. It is sad though that these are the moments when we celebrate our lives together in a real and authentic way. Our struggle, our urban struggle.....

I dedicate this to all my family, friends and those I didn't know so well who have passed to the other side that have touched my life so deeply, gracias eternally....

Bachata y el Bajo Mundo

Today, I ended up in a hole in the wall spot in the Bronx to grab a couple of beers, picadillos and of course listen to some crazy loud bachata. Now, it was a bit surprising to run into this spot full of dudes, 2 or 3 ladies -most of them waitresses and Univision on in the background. The men ogle you as if they just got out of prison or detention (which might be true of 1 or 2 dudes in the spot). El Bajo Mundo, where there is mad love among the hardest of the hard, is strictly for music, dancing and la vida ludica y cruda.

Bachata was once considered the music of the brothels of the Dominican Republic known as "cabarets". It talks of unrelenting love, sordid affairs and hounding hatred. Coco Cabrera, one of New York's beloved DJ's, every Sunday as he plays his Coco Clasicos describes his adventures en los cabarets in the Dominican Republic as a young man. The colorful characters of prostitutes and their "consumers" listening to this rauchny, blues type music to drown out their day-to-day sorrows.

At the turn of the 21st century, Bachata music was redefined and reinvented. I remember when I started listening to Bachata music and my mother had a heart-attack. She could not believe that I was listening to music of el Bajo Mundo. My mother demanded that I stop listening to it. However, over the next couple of months, my parent's generation understood that this was no longer the music of the poor/working/deviant class. Now listened to by Dominicans of all classes and with a global audience, groups such as Aventura.

A Bronx-Dominican group, Aventura is an atypical cross-over group who took bachata to new heights. So much so, Aventura was a semi-featured group at the Hispanic Heritage Celebration at the White House with President Obama. This very group reaching its' zenith, has decided to no longer perform as a group, having their last and final performance at Madison Square Garden in February 2010.

Bachata and el Bajo Mundo go hand in hand. Bachata is fueled by the struggle and lives of the people, of the poor, workers, and immigrants. El Bajo Mundo is soothed and healed by Bachata. Bachata is its' voice.

Check out Santo Domingo Blues, a documentary about the history and evolution of bachata through the work of Luis Vargas. (http://www.santodomingoblues.com/) to learn more about bachata.

OM: Yoga and Opening My Heart

For the last several years I have taken yoga classes on and off. Since high school, I have loved yoga. It is very difficult, it stretches you, gets all the kinks out and just by doing it once you already feel like you lost pounds of stress and toxins. One of the most beneficial aspects of yoga is the concept of opening up ones' heart -not only spiritually, emotionally but also physically. We spend so much time behind a desk, hunched over a computer, to dealing with all sorts of drama and emotions throughout the day from co-workers, family members and friends. All of life's trials and tribulations makes it very easy for someone to close off their heart. The closing of one's heart results in becoming negative, bitter, depressed and at times a hateful person.

Approximately about 1 year ago, I got a reiki massage that in essence helps align one's chakra's and assures that the energy is moving fluidly. I discovered that my heart chakra was closed and that the energy that is supposed to move through my heart chakra was moving along sides my shoulders. It had even changed color. Green is the color of the heart chakra. My heart chakra had no color and had become pinkish. My masseuse worked with me to unblock my heart chakra and help me open up my heart. We discussed at length what could have been the major events in my life that have led to this moment. I thought of so many things: my father's infidelity towards my mother, my parents always saying no to me, my cousins making fun of me for being la gringa, my 'friend's' betrayal, my first love dumping me -the list can go on.

Once I again, I find myself working towards opening up my heart -spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. After having reached one of the lowest points of my life, I am working to let it go. To let go of the hurt and the hate. Once again to embrace the positive side of life, love and joy. To know that all of life's challenges are best confronted with easy, love and compassion. I pray everyday to love myself and others. This is difficult especially in a city that moves so fast y que no tiene pena. The challenge today is to take out your moments, slow down, breathe and open your heart. For me the answer is yoga.....OMMMMMMMMMMMM......

NO A LA GUERRA Y SI A LA PAZ...PERO...

I have always worked for peace and have been against the war both in Iraq and Afghanistan since day one. But I am also cognizant of the reality that has already been created and the importance of America being responsible for its' actions which includes having a clear plan to get out of both countries in a organized and effective manner. President Obama has ONLY BEEN PRESIDENT FOR 1 YEAR! He is not God, a savior or free of sins. He too must weigh all of the issues, options that only he knows. I fully support my President. He has been clear since day 1 on his stance on these two wars. He has not back tracked, he has not lied! On the campaign trail he discussed defeating Al Quaeda and he is following through on that promise, it does not surprise me at all.

My own cousin has been to Iraq twice. Both times it tore me up inside to know this beautiful young man with a young daughter would have to fight for this empire and possible die. He is a lucky person and has returned and I pray everyday that he is not sent on another tour. I have spoken to him about war and what he has seen. Iraqi children being killed by gun shots from American and Iraqi soldiers, by mines and other weapons of mass destruction. Of the guerrilla warfare tactics never knowing if your friends are out to kill you. Has Iraqi society really changed for the better? For whose purpose? Now Afghanistan is another story and there America is fighting back -fighting back against 9/11.

So yeah, I am not surprised with Obama's speech. I do not expect him to change everything overnight. One thing I have learned is that it is all a process. This process takes time, evolution and I believe that 1) his manner of addressing the nation, 2) his clear and succinct plan and 3) his heart really are signs of evolution. For me this means that Obama will end the war in 18 months (June 2011). When I heard him speak tonight, I know that it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. I felt it in his voice, his eyes, his face. I believe in him and his judgment.

This doesn't mean that we stop holding him accountable, protesting and demand the end of the war and that our troops be brought back home. We must keep a watchful eye, we must continue to organize, organize, organize!!!!

I am against war, I support Obama -what a contradiction. I refuse to abandon him -even if he has abandoned us- and just characterize him as another war president, that is he just like all the rest of them. I refuse to let the military might claim him and take him captive. He is our president. I voted for him, I mobilized for him, I went to witness his inauguration and to make sure that world knew that no one can mess with him without reprecussions.

As my friend Jacqui says, once you are an official part of the establishment you must act accordingly. He will not act in any real radical way unless we make him. He will bring about change when the time is right, when it makes sense and most importantly when we as a nation demand for him to act accordingly. Voting for him is not enough, we must fight for his heart, soul and mind everyday to do what is right for the world.

(picture credit: www.zoriah.com)

World Aids Day

Today, leaders and communities around the world are standing up in silence, in an uproar on the issue of AIDS. Millions have died around the world. So much still needs to get done: the need to get proper medical attention, drugs and life-prolonging services to poor communities of color; fighting against the stigma of AIDS and encouraging protection -condoms, female condoms and even abstaining from sex.

According to the CDC in the United States of all those diagnosed in 2007, 51% African American, 18% Latino/a, 29% White and 3% Asian Pacific Islander/Native American. I remember when back in the 1990's one in 6 people in the South Bronx has HIV/AIDS. Did a bit of research today to find the latest statistics- didn't find it. Groups like the Latino Commission on AIDS are critical working locally and nationally to break through barriers in order to address the ever evolving issues.

Personally, I don't know anyone who has died from AIDS. I do know families that have been impacted, women whose spouses have died of AIDS and are being tested frequently to see if they have contracted the disease. Honestly, I have no idea how I would react if I contracted the disease. No one does. Dios Mio, God Forbid!!!! (spitting all over the place).

At the sametime, I was watching a documentary called SINGLE which discusses how today in the USA 50% of all adults are single -30% women, 20% men. Given this situation and that sex and love has changed so drastically...PROTECT YOUR SELF AND GET TESTED!!! Sex is great!!! but what is even greater is to live a healthy and long life with your family, friends and loved ones.

To EVERYONE (young and old) who are actively having sex ..protect yourself!!!!! If you feel you can have sex, you can learn how to put on el gorrito, condom, rubber etc. and make sure to get tested.

http://www.latinoaids.org/news_detail.php?cat=pr&id=110

Re-capturing the Feminine Self y Cocinando: Re-defining, Re-inventing, Re-creating

Many of my friends and I have been working on our own individual quests for happiness, peace and joy! In our adulthood, we are grappling with the issues of our childhood, love gone awry, and fulfilling our life's purpose. Each one of us in our own way -either through therapy, self-help books, spiritual renewal - are exploring our own ways of self-sabotage, and self-destruction. As women of color in particular who have always been taught to be selfless and service-oriented workers, wives, mothers and daughters and to be met with this culture clash of individualism, self-aggrandizement and greed, I know that for me it has created a sort of schizophrenia. At this juncture there is self-discovery but there is also a loss of self. So at what point do you completely lose yourself? Both models, both extremes do not create room for nourishing the full human experience. You are either give into to marianismo/machismo or ultra feminist that gives up on love and completion.

Our struggle today is one of balancing our duties and obligations to our selves and others, of finding a spiritual playing field that allows for growth of oneself and those around us. Functioning in the two extremes -I know for me is disastrous, a burden, very heavy. It brings down mi animo, my outlook, my willingness to be. I think that there is a way to retain the best of the two worlds -there is something to be said about treasuring and embracing our feminine power. Our power is different from masculine power but it is power nonetheless, that allow us to create, change and influence the world around us.

Re-capturing our femininity is crucial to our mental, physical and spiritual survival. This aspect should not be given up -it is complete and all-encompassing. The feminine allows for us to be. I am not arguing to not learn about the masculine -these are critical skills to learn and master as well to understand the world around us. However, within that process, the self can get lost and of course this occurs as we play more and more with the boys whether in politics, business or love. Being feminine does not mean being submissive, giving up the self.

There is one act that I have always affliated with the feminine: cooking. When I was growing up, I learned to hate to cook. For me cooking was the job of the woman. Something that she would do for her man and get no appreciation, no recognition. It was something she was supposed to do, an obligation, in return for him working and providing for the home. In a world where these roles were very separate, it would make sense. But in a world, where women work, raise children, and does pretty much everything the men do, whey in the world does she have to cook too. Moreover, my mother made it a point for me not to learn to cook. According to her, I was not going to be anyone's maid. That I would be so successful that I would have my own maid. Here are these two very distinct models: either the martyed wife or the career-oriented and rich professional.

I was not offered a different model where to learn how to cook would be critical to my own survival, be healthier for me and would allow me the ability to express myself with my friends and loved ones. A way to be able to share with another. And I know that my male counterparts were not offered a different model as well. This of course has created many issues for me in my relationships and in my psyche. This issue has spilled over to my way of seeing others. In order to save myself and re-capture my feminine side, my goal is to cook!

Over the last couple of months, I have embraced my cooking self. I eat better, I feel healthier, lost some weight and even feel a bit softer, que puedo conpenetrar mejor con las personas a mi alrededor.

Suenos / Dreams (Week 4)

I had such a crazy dream last night, but now I feel so much better. Yelling at someone and being able to tell them that you hate them, that you can't stand their way of being and that they are the most selfish peroson you have ever met in such a sincere and real way is so freeing. Sometimes you just can't tell them in their face. I chose not to because so much time has passed, we don't speak anymore but it doesn't mean that their actions still don't hurt me. I believe that this is my way of working through these issues and moving past them. Wish more of my dreams were this way.

So this reading deprivation situation is hard...but I made a slight adjustment. I decided that from yesterday til tomorrow I am allowed to read for at 3 hours and take care of whatever I got to do, but the rest of the weeken Thursday -Sunday -no reading whatsoever. Que raro, why would you not read? Well, this program that I am doing to recoer my creative self...which reallly means recovering myself make it an requirement in week 4.

It is ok for you to write, speak, listen to music but no reading -this also includes no TV. I've done a pretty good job of not watching T.V. I am actually cooking a full-fledge dinner tonight. Wepa! Arroz, habichuelas, arepitas y pescado! Huge deal, haven't done that I think like ever.

So I guess I am making my dreams come true.