Valentine's Day: El Dia para Los Valientes

Valentine's Day is one of the worst days for me. In my whole life I have had only 2 Valentines...I swear. For whatever reason, I ain't never got a man to give me chocolates, a kiss and some good lovin' on the forsaken 2/14. Will this turn around? Will I have my chance at true committed love, to a relationship that will fulfill me for the rest of my days.

Over the two years I have learned much more about what love is and what it means to put it in practice. Love is not is not only a state of being but it is in constant state of motion, of action. There is constant communication, agreements, disagreements, consensus, negotiation. Love is tender and tough a la vez.

I have come to a point in my life where I no longer see love as something that happens to you then more of a choice. For dudes it seems to be something very different or so says the books, videos and all the other shit I look at. For men it is about chemistry, the spark. You know I think that is true when I was 16, there were sparks flying all over the place. Now at the age of 35 it is about a choice of how you want to live your life and how you will live it with this other person. Will this person make your life better, more enjoyable, purposeful. Will this person enhance your current state of being.

There are a handful of men that I have met over the year that would have been very strong potential life partners. But who knows they did things, I did things -it just wasn't meant to be. There is this one Italian guy that I never got to go on a date with who I think if we had who knows. My sister always mentions the same dude to me that she loves and adores. She is always telling me that I should just marry him. There is just something that stops me though. No se, I love him, always have a great time when we hang out but I just feel like there is something fundamental about the both of us together that just doesn't jive. Maybe it is the chemistry. That oh-so important ingredient that fuels the relationship forward.

My Valentine's day wish and prayer to the universe: who do I want in a my life partner: tall (above 5'8), intelligent, go-getter, loving, emotional, articulate, communicative, family-oriented, political, active in the community, appreciative of art and the finer things in life, about 10 years older than me or 3 years younger, ok is he has 1 child -preferably no chilren but wants to have children, accomplished in his own profession but still growing and evolving, loves to dance, mindful of money but not catano, always treat me like a lady but knows I am independent and strong-minded. Likes to spend time at home but will also participate with me in community events and other outings. Someone who will take me out of my usual element. Preferably latino and has a deep appreciation for his people.

Se lo pido a Dios, amen!

Mujeres y La Politica: A Community Domestic 'Non-violent' Violence Story, A Meditation

Politically, a nosotras nos dan punaladas, cuchillazos, nos pegan cuernos, nos roban, mienten, de to' yet we always stick by our men. How is this possible? Hablando de amor propio, why do we continue to give up our beauty, youth, vivaciousness to complacer these dudes. I too have been a complicit victim to this silent violence. Thinking that thre is love, he will do right by me but in the end it was all a farce, broken -to feed his ego, his pockets.

Olvidate de eso, I don't want to do my politics with these dudes but some how you always end up in bed with them whether you like it our not. They all live in the same house. We occupy different rooms. But at night, when it is time to go to sleep -ahi es cuando que te lo meten. Shit! Sometimes it feels real good, other times it borders rape.

So if I want to be at the dinner table, not at the kids table, if I want to be an integral part of the deicision-making process, do I have to submit myself to this violence. Or do I have another choice? The family is a big family so there is always someone able to fulfill the wants of the dudes. It is hard to win, because there is always a replacement. You can end up being kicked out of the house, no rights to the table or even to the left over food -you have been disinherited.

Can I leave the house and be a visita de avez en cuando? But then I don't get to be at the table all the time, only when invited. Or do I become like that neighbor that come to your house like everyday with no invitation and gets to sit at the table because it would be rude -but eventually they get tired of your ass and somebody will tell you don't come over anymore.

Or do I go and create my own home, my own family, with new rules of love, respect and communication where no one is hit or hurt. Where we nurture each other talents, vision and purpose and encourage everyone to go and find there own homes when it is their time. Our dinner table is always open to everyone who adheres to our rules and there is plenty of food for everyone.

But eventually these two homes will come head to head, there will be civil war -a non-violent, violent war. This is the war for the hearts of the people. A war of ideas, of vision. Yes, I think that is exactly what we need. I will wage my war not to win the number of votes, but to win the hearts of our people for a more open and civil political system.

To all the young women of color who are considering entering politics or who are there, save yourselves. Create your own home, your own political identity, your own voice. Don't just blindly do their bidding of these men who care little for you or your future. There are some benevolent patriarchs that will care for you, give you a job, give you a promotion, a raise here and there, keep your stomachs happy but will never allow you to fulfill your potential. You are the one to make sure that you fight for your independence, your purpose, your being.

Ally yourself with those people who will help you along on this journey. Mentors, colleagues, friends, family -this too will be difficult because even those that you thought would always be with you will turn their backs on you. Some will insult and assault you. They too will become violent against you. It is hard to identify those who will do this, but something in your gut, your intuition will let you know that something is off. Listen!!!!! Get quiet and LISTEN!!!! Listen to that internal voice telling you -oh, I thought she was my friend, I thought he would react a bit different. BE AWARE!!!!!

But in all of this, I know it is hard, do not lose your sense of hope and faith in people. People are inherently good. Like my mother told me, do not become bitter, because then you will end up like them. You must do everything to protect your spirit!!!!! This has been my greatest lesson in the last couple of years. Keeping your spirit in tact is of the utmost important. This is the center, the core of your being. El Espirtu Santo!!!! You can think of it on religious terms, in whatever terms you like but you must care for and protect your sanctified spirit because this is the one thing that is yours and yours alone!!!! You are the keeper.

Do all that you do with love and light. Do what you feel is right. Say no when you don't want to do something and tell them to respect your no, voice your reasons. Keep fighting for your right to live in a democratic world. Our fight will never end for democracy and our right to be.